In Memory of the Lost

My hands closed over my ears as I attempted to shut out the world about.

Everywhere I went all I heard were quietly muffled comments and snarky laughters all directed towards the back of my small figure.

My eyes wandered reflexively downwards as I averted any possible meeting of condescending glances or gazes of pity.

Beside me was the only source of saving grace I’d ever known. He stood tall against my petite frame. Sturdy, like a great barrier protecting a fragile treasure – But that treasure was only trash. It was trash because it was me.

From my peripheral gaze I saw hands pointing and jeering faces. I couldn’t tell you what they were specifically addressing, all I knew was that it was a part of me.

I walked briskly, stiff as a board. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what would await me outside, beyond the confines of these hallowed halls.

Finally I reached the great frames of the exit door. The world opened before me, but I was blinded by the bright light of the sun.

My hands moved to reduce the stunning rays of that Great star, but I knew that it wouldn’t do much good.

The hues and colors readjusted my vision and I was finally able to see clearly.

I saw the world, as it was, and I realized that the bullying was nothing but my inner fantasy.

He looked at me then, with those sweet, caring grey-blue eyes. A comforting gesture, he knew, that always brought about that serene inner calm.

“Reality, as you see it, is not so harsh an environment. Only few can see it for what it really is.”

Confused with his words, my face contorted into an ugly visage that lacked understanding.

“Should you choose to live within the narcissistic views of your mind, feel free to do so.”

His tone had gone stern, almost accusing.

“-But if you embrace the vast possibilities of life, perhaps you’ll come to see that not everyone is who you deem them to be.”

His compassionate voice soothed my very soul, yet my questions were left unanswered.

“Until you can accept your non-existence, you can never truly live ever again.”

I stood there, on the verge of descending that first stone cold step to the second. It’s exterior chilled the soles of my feet like glaciers against bare skin.

He took my hand and pulled me downwards, towards an uncertain oblivion.

He cooed:

“Like a babe, know nothing of anything and accept everything as if it was everything.”

I stopped, hesitant to proceed after his seductive being. He gazed at me with those heart-wrenching eyes and I knew that I could not desist any further.

Jumping into the abyss, I held hands with Death himself. Acknowledging everything, siding with anything, but nevertheless falling into nothing.

Only then did I truly learn the viable truth behind my greatest fears. The darkness enveloped me, caressing even my coarsest of natures.

He held me close, taking in my being as if I were a breath of fresh air. We proceeded to fall downwards into the unknown, to the depths of who-knows-what.

Because you led me here, I was able to find recluse within these obsidian blankets. Your now onyx complexion contrasts with the bleached flour that was my skin.

I sprouted wings and flew greater horizons to which I never saw, for my eyes were gouged out and rendered useless in that never ending black hole.

You held me like I was your treasure while all I saw of myself was trash.

I know now that I don’t need to look up, around, or down. Those glances, glares, and gazes mean nothing now.

Don’t look at me, I am not all that you see here.

Don’t think of me, for I fear I’ll bring you into despair.

Don’t speak to me, I don’t need to hear words from the heart.

Don’t listen to me, all I know is comfortable silence.

Don’t be scared, because we can descend in sheer terror together.

Just be nothing, like you’ve always told me to.

-But do touch me, and allow me to touch you. I need to reaffirm myself, dreams from truth.

Hold my hand, lead me, and don’t ever break free. Dragging me to wherever and whenever life will end, all across the expanse of an eternity.

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